My colleague committed suicide

I just heard the news that my ex-colleague committed suicide. Of all ways to commit suicide, he chose the most painful method. He drank pesticide to commit suicide.


The sad thing is that he did not die straightaway. The acid burnt his mouth, and the throat rotting away. And he spent his last few days struggling for life (or death) in the hospital, while his wife and kids cried.

The root cause of his problem was gambling. He gambled and he gambled big. He did not just use a few hundred dollars to gamble. He borrowed money, and had gambling debt running into a few hundred thousand dollars.

It is sad that a promising and hardworking person could not overcome gambling problem. He was a good supervisor and very hardworking person. When a project demanded it, he could work overnight to see the project into successful completion.

For a person with low education, he was making more than many degree holders. If only he could overcome his gambling addiction, he could see his kids into college and paid off his house within ten years. However, he chose to commit suicide.

We hadn’t heard anything from him for a long time. He disappeared from work one day. He managed to borrow a large sum of money from many people before his disappearing acts. His house was foreclosed by the bank, and all his cell phones were always in engaged tone.

He brought his family elsewhere to escape debt.

Then the news came that he committed suicide and was dying slowly and painfully in the hospital. We got the news through his brother-in-law, who contacted one of his closed friends.

I wonder how his kids feel. His kids are old enough to remember the collectors coming to spray paints. His kids are old enough to feel the shame. His kids are old enough to remember my colleague, who was a loving father.

I cannot imagine how he lived his days after his disappearing acts. His brother-in-law did not even know where he had gone. After all, his brother-in-law also lent him money.

This is the second time I have personal experience with suicide. I can understand those who are old and sickly, and they commit suicide to escape from the mounting medical bills and the ceaseless pain. They do not see much purpose in living forever in pain.

However, I cannot understand why a healthy young person who is earning a managerial salary despite low education commits suicide. He can seek treatment for his gambling addiction, and work hard to pay back all the debt.

I suppose when a person is facing a dark and bleak future, he does not think far, and he does not even think of the effect of his suicide on his family members. He must have lived in deep and dark depression.

He probably view committing suicide as possibly the only way out of the demon of gambling addiction. It’s so sad to see that his method of committing suicide brings so much pain and suffering to him, and to his family. I wonder what is on his mind as he struggles with the pain from rotting throat and possibly rotting organs.

Hope his family can stand up strong, and overcome all adversity.